Big Brother Bother
by Welshkiss
Summary: What happens when the Torchwood team get ordered by Gordon Brown to go into the Big Brother house for a week? And what happens when some familiar faces turn up?
1. Exiting news

Big Brother Bother!!

This was an idea that just wouldn't go away-

If you have any ideas then tell me-

Owen, Gwen and Tosh had their hands over their mouths laughing Jack was on the phone to Gordon Brown and unlike UNIT and MI5 leaders Jack was not at all polite to their new prime minister.

"Ohh whatever I'll tell you just what I think of you , Mr big shot posh person lots of money...Ummm Dude I think that you are a-" Gwen pulled the phone off of him. "Good afternoon sir I am terribly sorry for the, what I'm sure was un asked for rudeness from Mr Harkness yes, I know, Of course I completely understand, I will let him know now then sir what was it that you were looking to tell us? Very funny sir what do you mean you weren't joking but sir we can't who will look after Torchwood? UNIT no sir that is just inappropriate what do you mean you'll close us down sir, now calm down don't be unreasonable ohh he did, did he ok sir goodbye sir yes bye," Owen was rolling about on the floor laughing "Guess what she said. "we are ALL going on Big Brother!" "Yay" Shouted Jack, Gwen and Ianto and of course who was running about screeming whilst picking up Gwen and running around which was making her scream. "Hang on who's gonna look after this place?" "UNIT" "No the last time they came they broke my coffee machine," And with this Ianto ran into the kitchen "Hey where are you going?" I'm hiding it!"

Hey in true in true Big Brother style I am doing eviction nights on everyfriday so when I say then you can start voting!!

p.s if you review then I write.


	2. Getting in the BB9 house 1

-Ok this is where we find out who is in the house-

Everyone was packed and ready when Gwen said "uh guys I've just read through some of the rules and it said that there are eight people in the house there's us five and..." everyone wondered who it was.

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"Big Brother this is Davina!" the crowd cheered. "Our first housemate in is Gwen Cooper!" they all cheered she walked out of the van posing for pictures. Then she walked in the door. "Wow this is lush!" she walked down the stairs bright red stairs and through the main door, and into the big brother living room.

The house this year was bright colours and glass walls and a swimming pool.

"That's nice isn't it she likes the house this year all of our contestants know each other but we're gonna stir things up a bit because Gwen Cooper there is married!"

The crowd all went 'Oooo'

"But she's one of those people who like almost everyone apart from our next housemate who is.... Ms Diane Holmes!" The crowd booed. Diane walked out and straight into the house and saw the door. "Well this is charming isn't it." Then she saw Gwen "Oh my god,"

"Well they seem to be getting along!" the crowd laughed.

"Right then next is her ex-boyfriend,"

"Oooo" said the crowd of hundreds

"Owen Harper!" Owen walked out posing... a lot. The crowd cheered. He walked in

"hey Gwen looks like we're the only... Bloody hell why is she here?" he exclaimed in shock after seeing Diane. "Oops," joked Davina.

-Have too stop writing and go to bed sorry voting starts after the next chapter!!-

-please review when you review I write and I am pretending that reviews are stars the more stars the better the story -


	3. Getting in the BB9 house 2

-Hey I updated if u have an idea plz tell me thnx and I'll use the best one!-

"Right then they seem to be getting along well sort of," Davina shows what's going on in the house. Gwen and Owen are sitting in the sofa talking about Diane while Diane was walking around and she and Gwen were sort of staring each other out.

"Oooo is it only me or can I feel a cat fight coming up!" said Davina. "Right then our next big brother housemate is... Jack Harkness!" Jack walked out with that cheeky American grin on posing in his big military coat. Then he walked in "ohh swanky," he said. And walked in Gwen ran up to him and he hugged her. "Jack Diane's here!" she whispered into his ear. Jack looked shocked "ohh I take it that a bad thing," he answered. Gwen just gave him a 'well duh' look.

"Time to stir things up a bit more I think," Smiled Davina god she loved her job. "The crowed whooped. "Our next hottie in the house and therefore challenger to Owen and Jack is... Mr John Hart!" John wearing his usual clothes and posing for the cameras, and trying to kiss every girl that he saw. Then he walked in "Oooo it's too freaking white in here it feels like being in hospital." He opened the door after checking his hair in the mirror and walked in "Guys" he exclaimed. Owen, Gwen and, Jack just stared at him "Oh my god!" they all said. Gwen ran up to him and gave him a hug 2Hey I could get used to this," He joked Gwen just gave him a playful slap on the arm. While Jack and Owen stared at him jealously.

"See I told you that there would be tension between those two." Joked Davina. "Right then next in is... Toshiko Sato." Toshiko walked out walking prettily up the stairs to the house. She got in the door "White a very nice neutral colour, perfect" then she walked in happy to see everybody a little surprised to see John and then she saw Diane and greeted her by the hand with a fake smile.

"That Diane Holmes is really popular isn't she," Said Davina sarcastically the crowd laughed. "Next in then is... Ianto Jones we gave Mr Jones a task before he came in we said that if he would go up to the producer and say and I quote " Hey you fatty I need a coffee" then we would put a coffee machine in the house and he did it! Anyway here he is Mr Jones. Ianto walked out smiling happily and working his way past the crowd and into the house he went straight into the door and said a simple "Hi Guys," and walked straight into the kitchen.

"Ohh chatty isn't he," said Davina sarcastically once again. "Right then only one left hey here we go it's the doctor," The doctor walked in and smiled at the decor and then went through the doo Jack was about to walk through the door when "Doctor hey," said Gwen. "Gwen I can't believe your here and they hugged. When Jack broke it up "Hang on you know him how?" Gwen and the Doctor looked at each other, "well...

-Hey sorry to leave you on a cliff-hanger I just couldn't resist so got any ideas on how they know each other? Tell me.-


	4. Help me readers

Hey I have an announcement!!

Listen up all you readers about the whole

Gwen and The Doctor know each other

I have decided to host a competition to choose how they know each other if you have an idea then send me a PRIVATE MESSAGE I repeat PRIVATE MESSAGE not a review as I have to keep it a secret and I will announce the winner on the 5th of July good luck to all of you!! 


	5. Bedroom Friction

(By the way so sorry that I haven't updated recently I've been busy soz :( )  
(Oh and by the way BB means Big Brother :)

"Well umm you see its quite simple really, one night after Martha left I went  
to a bar.."", "You went to a bar?" interrupted Jack whilst laughing. "Yes I  
did. Now listen please anyway this girl came up to me and started being very  
well... annoying and Gwen got rid of her...end of ok," said the Doctor Gwen  
nodded in agreement.

"We need to see whose bed is who's," said Gwen to break the silence. "Big  
brother would like to tell the housemates that no-one is aloud in the  
bedrooms," said BB. "Oh that's just great isn't it," complained Owen. "Would  
Gwen and Owen please come to the diary room," called BB. "Yay," screamed Owen  
and he ran ahead. Gwen followed him rolling her eyes at how stupid he was  
being.

"Gwen, Owen big brother would like to tell you about the bedroom arrangements,  
on the floor there is a room plan of the bedroom big brother has filled one of  
the beds in already, you need to do the rest," said BB, Owen picked up the  
large envelope and pen and passed them to Gwen. "Do not open them until you get  
to the sofas," reminded BB "ok big brother bye," replied Owen. They walked into  
the house.  
"Hey Gwen what have you got for me then?" asked Diane. "I've got nothing for  
you Diane I've got bed plans that we have to fill in here they are,"

Twenty minutes of shouting and screaming later here it is.

There are nine beds but the housemates are only allowed to use six of them.  
Big brother said that the two people in the same bed have to be Gwen and Owen  
they were happy, not. Well Gwen wasn't but you can never be too sure about  
Owen.

1st bed Diane  
2nd bed The Doctor  
3rd bed Gwen and Owen  
4th bed Jack  
5th bed Toshiko  
6th bed Ianto

By the end of the day everyone was happy... sort of  
"Yeah why don't you just go away Diane blah blah I am not listening," Gwen  
stuck fingers in her ears. "Don't be so childish honestly why do you hate me  
may I ask," she said Gwen just looked at her in a 'like you don't know why  
look' "Oh I don't know maybe because you decided to fly off and leave Owen, and  
I had to pick up the pieces," she replied "Ha more like you shagged him and he  
forgot all about me," Gwen looked at Diane wildly "Bugger off you stupid old  
cow," she said bluntly and stormed off into the bedrooms Owen followed her,  
when a loud siren went off. "What the fuck?" shouted Jack.

(Please review :)


	6. Coffee disaster!

(P.s thnx for all the reviews !!:)

"Ahh John what have you done I'm gonna kill you!" Everyone turned around to see what was happening. Ianto was running around after John with revenge in his eyes. Jack pulled Ianto back. "Hey Ianto what are you doing?" Jack pulled Ianto back. "He...he...he broke my COFFEE MACHINE!!" screamed Ianto. "Alright already it was an accident ok accident do you get that it means not on purpose, jeez," complained John. That very moment Gwen walked in with a smug smile on her face then she saw Ianto, "Hey Yan what's the problem?" Ianto shook free from Jack's grip and walked over to Gwen. He pointed at John "That stupid bugger broke my coffee machine," he said with puppy dog eyes. Gwen put her arms around Ianto "Oh naughty John tell you what lets go and see Big Brother," they walked out the door and into the diary room. "Hello Ianto what seems to be the problem?" asked BB. "That stupid John Hart broke my coffee machine," screamed Ianto. "Ok Ianto but I do hope that you understand that you cannot have another one," Replied BB"What!! No way come on that's not fair please please please Big Brother," Begged Ianto, "Ianto I hope you understand that this is Big Brother not Tesco," "He is sorry aren't you Ianto," Ianto nodded . They walked out of the Big Brother diary room. "Now then Ianto get all of this out of your system," Ianto nodded again "aggghhhhhhh I'm gonna kill you John," Ianto ran after John again. Jack signalled to go and stop him but Gwen shook her head. "Done yet?" She asked Ianto "Yep," a clock chimed "Would all housemates please go into the bedroom and go to bed thank you," said BB. They walked into the bedroom "Ohh swags," said Jack John looked at him in a 'god its people like you who give gays a bad reputation way' Jack shrugged. Gwen got into bed and faced the opposite way to Owen. Owen laughed stuck his tongue out at her. "Oh my god guys look at this!" screamed Ianto. "Guys, guys oh great you fell asleep without me," Ianto got into bed stroppily. "Fine then I don't care I won't fall asleep because I am Ianto J..." He fell asleep sucking his thumb.

(Sorry it's short and kinda rubbish but I'm tired :( )


	7. Punishments

(So sorry it took so long but I was real busy and kinda forgot :)

_A ring ding ding dong a be rom Bing a be weeeee_

"Oh MY GOD!" Owen currently had a pillow over his ears.

"What kind of sick messed up show is this?"

"Well it's called big brother and it's supposed to be sick and messed up duh," replied Gwen who had jumped over to Tosh's bed and they were both currently hiding under the duvet.

"I think it's quite possibly the alarm," Replied Diane

"No shit Sherlock," Gwen looked at Diane

"Oh yes I forgot that you knew EVERYTHING!"

Gwen ran over to Diane's bed and shoved her off and the two started fighting.

"Who-ho cat fight, come on ladies," cheered Owen.

With this Jack woke up (as the alarm didn't seem to work on him!)

"Oi you two pack it in," Jack walked over and pulled Gwen off Diane as Gwen was currently winning the fight.

"Jack get off!" Gwen shouted.

"Ha little Gwen Cooper has to do what Jack -," she stopped because Tosh had threw a pillow at her and she had fell over. Everyone laughed.

"Yay go Tosh!" Gwen said as the two jumped on the bed.

"Big Brother would like to remind housemates that violence will **not** be tolerated, would Gwen please come to the diary room,"

Gwen ran off into the diary room.

"Gwen as you know violence in the Big Brother house is not tolerated to prove this you will be punished."

"Yes BB,"

"Gwen would you please change from your current outfit into the one provided to you,"

Gwen looked at the bag of clothes on the floor she sighed.

_**Ten minutes later**_

Gwen walked reluctantly out of the Diary room in her new outfit.

She was wearing a beret, a black mini, a white shirt and a suit jacket with big black heels.

And her straight brunette hair had been dies Blonde and curled.

She walked into the house wearing her new outfit.

They were **all** sitting at the sofas when she walked in and you could practically **hear** the boy's jaws dropping.

"Oh my god, that's your punishment,"

"Not a word Harkness or you Owen," Gwen walked over to the sofas and sat down.

"Would Diane please come to the Diary room,"

Gwen smiled and Diane walked over to the Diary room.

"Well then Gwen I have to say that French petit really suits you," Laughed the Doctor.

"Doctor I would have thought better of you!" exclaimed Jack.

"Oh come on like you weren't thinking it to!"

Diane walked out of the Diary room.

And everyone started laughing.


	8. Breaking Bridges

(Soz everybody I totally 4got  Bad me *slaps wrist* lol)

"Well this is totally the most I've laughed… ever," Gwen and Tosh were currently curled together laughing on the floor.

"Wow as punishments come, a teletubby costume has to be my favourite," The Doctor and John high fived at this.

"Big Brother would like to inform Gwen and Diane that the entire outfit must be worn for the entirety of today and pyjama's will be provided for tonight," Announced BB.

"Guess who I get to share a bed with," Owen winked at Gwen. She turned to face him,

"Read my lips, in your dreams,"

The Doctor laughed at this.

"Who wants food?" asked Jack clapping his hands together.

"I'll help you if you like," smiled Ianto.

Several curses, blisters and burns later they all tucked into they're spaghetti bolognaise at the dining table,

"Guys this is lush," smiled Gwen.

"It was an old family recipe," replied Ianto

"Uh Ianto you've got a little piece of… there," said Jack wiping a piece of spaghetti off of his chin.

"Oh god pass me a bucket," complained John, suddenly a bucket fell from the roof and landed on his head "Thanks," he replied sarcastically,

Gwen took the bucket off of his head, "Boo," she laughed.

"Jack how come there was enough ingredients to make this," asked Toshiko taking a sip of her water.

"Well you see Ianto's family recipe was written on a piece of paper inside the fridge along with all of the ingredients," he grinned.

"How comfy was the sofa then last night?" Doc asked John.

"Wow it was just lush," John said sarcastically.

"And again with the being a sarcastic twat," said Owen

"Oii," John threw a clump of meat at Owen and it landed right on his shirt.

"Big Brother would like to confirm Diane Holmes question and all housemates will be voting tomorrow in alphabetical order,"

"Yay I know who I'm gonna vote for," Gwen looked at Diane she stared back

"Me too,"

"Will Gwen please come to the diary room,"

She took her last bit of food and walked to the door

5 minutes later she came back out wearing a silky black short nightdress and her hair up in a bun with two strands of hair out.

"Va va voom," laughed John

"Will Diane please come to the diary room," announced Big Brother.

5 minutes later she came out wearing a large all-in-one baby suit.

Toshiko fell off of her chair laughing.

"Big Brother would like to inform John that he will be sharing a bed with Jack,"

"Oh for fuck sake," John moaned when suddenly Gwen tagged him as they were all playing tag on the sofa's.

"Oh I am so gonna get you for that," Gwen screamed as John chased her around until finally he fell on top of her, and smiled,

"Tag," he poked her on the nose and they both broke down laughing.


End file.
